RLSH700 I have accepted the fact that my father and his side of the family were pretty much disfunctional where my brother and I were concerned. Our paternal grandparents made 1 trip to see us that I can recall when we were children. We lived about an hour and a half away from them. The only time we got to see them was when our father would take us there and I knew then that we were never in their favor even as small children. Our mother was a foster child and both of her birth parents died when she was very young so there were really no maternal grandparents. As I stated earlier my parents divorced when my brother and I were ages 4 and 5 respectively. Our father had visitation rights but as time went by and he neglected paying child support visits became more and more rare until finally he skipped state to avoid payment altogether. He was gone for probably 10 years before an arrangment was made to forgive some of the arrears and mom accepted a much smaller amount than he owed to settle matters. (His parents paid the debt.) By this time we were old enough to understand that our father had neglected his responsibility to us and it did not sit well with us. Well willing to let bygones be bygones I decided after our first son to make my father a part of at least my life again and that he should know his grandson. For several years after we remained in contact, he visiting my family and I his. He had always drank and this was the cause of my parents split among a couple of other things which were driven from his drinking. Well the drinking kept getting between him and his responsibilities (jobs) and he bounced from one to another. Finally he ended up wrecking his truck and not having a means to get to work I put together a pretty nice car for him to help out, no strings. Son buying the dad a car, Kinda messed up huh? Well soon the car needed tires and he just didn't have the money........ so you guessed it, I bought a set of tires for him with the understanding he would pay me back. Well you can guess how that worked out and soon I no longer seemed to be a part of his life again. That was about 15 years ago. I've seen him 2 times in that 15 years. Once just out of curiosity I was out on a roadtrip on the motorcycle and just stopped to see if he was still kicking. He was and he was mounting a tire on a wheel by hand for a truck sitting in his driveway with a crowbar and assorted other levering devices. "Fitting" I thought as I rode away. The second time was at his fathers funeral maybe 5 years ago out of respect for his dad who was a hard working man all his life.

My father has never met nor made the effort to meet his 2nd grandson who is now 16 and I have no intention of making him a part of his life because I have come to realize that he doesn't deserve it. He FAILED to be a father so he hasn't the right to be a grandfather. Sounds cold I know but I will never have any regrets since this was all really his choice by not accepting what most men would relish, 2 loving sons who thought their dad was the greatest right up until he abandoned them. He will never be a part of my life again this time by my choice, again because he doesn't deserve it.

A few years ago my mother broke down in front of me crying. I asked what was the matter and she said she was just so sorry she wasn't able to keep a father for my brother and I growing up. She was sad that we had missed that part of a childs life, the love of a father. I told her that we had never had a father so we really didn't know the difference of not having one-she was both and she had done a good job at being both.

My point is kinda like they say, "You can pick your nose but you can't pick your relatives." Family is not a bloodline, it is the ones you love and who reciprocate that love. My family started with it's founder, my mother. I carry on from there a love to mine learned from my mother. The rest is a distant and not fond memory of a past with no connection to m