True character is revealed not by what a man does when people are watching but by what he does when nobody is around.

Point Man – Week #9/Part 2 A Bible study on a man leading his family based on the Steve Farrar book.

Sorry I was out of town for 7 days so I am trying to catch up. A couple of weeks ago we talked talk about how to raise masculine sons and feminine daughters.
This week is part 2 about how to raise masculine sons and feminine daughters.

III. Fathers should raise their children with firmness.

Ephesians 6:4 Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.

In Ephesians 6:4 it says children are to be raised in discipline and admonition (warning/guidance) of the Lord. Discipline can be described as training or punishment
guided by rules, regulations and rewards, and when necessary punishment. Admonition is training by means of the spoken word such as in teaching, warning, or encouragement.

The purpose of discipline and admonition (from parents and God) is to help the child grow. Children need to know what the limitations are. They need fathers who love them enough to set boundaries and keep them. Children need fathers who are in control of the family instead of the children being in control of the family. Can you imagine how chaotic an NFL foot ball game would be without referees and all of the arguing and fighting that would take place? If a football player argues or does something illegal, he is penalized. The same thing applies to the family.

Example: Imagine a fish bowl with a little fish swimming around. Do you think this fish has much freedom? Now imagine removing this fish from the bowl and setting it on the table. The fish has freedom but will not survive in that freedom. Just as God sets boundaries for us we must set them for our children to keep them safe.

A father’s task is multi-faceted, but the most important part of his work is to fit himself and his children into God’s plan of family authority. Children are to be encouraged by the father’s pat on the back and helped to better things when necessary by the application of the hand or stick to the seat of learning. Spanking is one method but whatever is called for must be used. To refuse to discipline a child is to refuse a clear demand of God, for a child who doesn’t learn to obey both parents will find it much harder to learn to obey God. I had one son who just using spoken words was enough to discipline him while the other sometimes needed spanking but whatever discipline is called for, it must be done.

As the father, you set the standards, enforce the standards, model the standards and appropriately discipline when the standards are violated. This does not mean your wife does not discipline but you are the main disciplinarian because of the above reasons.
Although you take the lead in disciplining the children, make sure you never undermine the discipline that takes in your absence. You are a team. The children should never see that you are in disagreement of the discipline and should be discussed without their observation. Seeing you support your wife’s discipline will make them respect your wife. When they see that you respect her decision about discipline, they will respect her as well and your support will relieve her of undue pressure. Some parents have a problem with this but at this age verbal discipline such as “NO! NO!” should be done even a child is just a just after a few months old.

Some men are too firm and not tender enough and some are too tender and not firm enough. Fathers need to be balanced and be firm at times and flexible and tender at other times. Let the wisdom of God help you with that and seek His guidance. Ephesians 6:4 instructs us to be ready to do one or the other at the appropriate time but remember you are the spiritual leader of the househo