Axel, my heart's breaking for you for the loss of your children. My wife and I lost a very small child a few years ago under circumstances beyond our control, but we still wonder if there was something we could have done... I doubt your feeling of loss will ever leave you, I guess in a way I hope mine never does... I never want to forget my son. You've given this to Jesus, though, so you can let the guilt go! "If we confess our sins He is faithful and righteous to forgive our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness." (I John 1:9) Thanks for your openness and honesty, and I hope we here can help your healing.

This next part bothers me. It has bothered me for several years, and I guess it's because of the culture we live in and the prevalance of divorce and the number of good people I know well and like who are divorced and remarried... Jesus said "Everyone who divorces his wife, except for the reason of unchastity, makes her commit adultery; and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery." (Matthew 5:32) and "Whoever divorces his wife and marries another woman commits adultery against her; and if she herself divorces her husband and marries another man, she is committing adultery." (Mark 10:11-12) Of all the things Jesus said, this bothers me most. And I guess I shouldn't let it, just because He said it, but it breaks my heart, too! So many people in this situation, what are they supposed to do? I've only ever heard of one remarried couple who acted on this, and with the help of their church lived apart while still raising their children. Heartbreaking, but it's what Jesus said... but it's heartbreaking... but it's what He said...

Keep seeking His will for your life, Axel, "But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him." (James 2:5) and "Who is the man who fears the Lord? He will instruct him in the way he should choose." (Psalm 25:12)