You too can be a critic
Scott Burgess / The Detroit News

At the North American International Auto Show, everyone is a critic.

And playing the role of one at the auto show takes a little more practice than crossing your arms and shaking your head side-to-side. Sometimes you need to scrunch your mouth, squint your eyes and give a car the cold hard stare of disapproval. If you like it, you can freeze and leave your mouth agape. But there's also some lingo you may want to incorporate into your critique.

Saying something like, "Ewww, those windows are too small," lacks authority and confidence. However, sternly declaring, "With a beltline so high, it's no wonder the greenhouse is too small."

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And standing in front of a car and shouting "This one is cute," doesn't cut it. I've been laughed out of the room for saying just that. Even if you like it, you need to click your tongue in disapproval and say, "This vehicle's face offers a less aggressive expression than the Dodge Challenger concept."

But you don't have to know all of the design terms to sound like a docent at the Detroit Institute of Arts. Here are a couple of tips to fool your friends into thinking you sound like a critic:

Color speak: Never mention an actual color. Red, blue and green don't tap into your inner designer. Those simple descriptions are what engineers use -- they're accurate and concise. Instead, name an emotion and weather phenomenon. Astonished Tornado or Dejected Tsunami. Example: "That Ferrari might improve its overall expression if it came in Infuriated Flood."

The actual name of the colors of the Lamborghini at the Detroit show are: Blu Cepheus for the exterior and Alcantara for the brown interior.

Exterior design: Many cars on the show's floor resemble sculptures. Talk about them that way. However, you should also look at the "proportions" of the vehicle -- dividing it into thirds from where the tires are -- front, middle and rear.

Good proportions help a vehicle look balanced and stable. Bad proportions can make a vehicle look off balance. Also, look for "overhang," which is how much of the body goes past the wheel. Cars today tend to offer little overhang.

On the floor, look at the Audi R8 V-12 TDI. It has little overhang, which helps handling. But some people think its proportions are not good. I disagree.

Engines: The auto show will present you with tons of different displacements and powertrains. While high horsepower numbers typically impress people, engines are changing. Now, the big number to know is gas mileage. Look for gas-electric hybrids and diesel engines to play more important roles. Also, for anyone who points out a car that runs on hydrogen, you can correct them. It runs on electricity, but uses hydrogen to make electricity.

As you're walking around, here are a few more terms you can throw out.

Face: The front end of a vehicle is seen as a human. The headlights are the eyes, the bumper the mouth, and the grille is the nose.

Beltline: An imaginary line drawn at the bottom of the windows. A high beltline means the windows look small. Look at the Chrysler 300.

Lutzmobile: A car created during the tenure of General Motors Corp.'s Vice Chairman Bob Lutz. The new cars coming out at GM are tagged with this informal moniker. The new Malibu is a Lutzmobile.

However, automotive appreciation doesn't begin with cool new words, it starts with the love of gears and how they work.

For me, the best way to appreciate a vehicle is to do it quietly.