Not to turn this into the Dr Phil show, but I can't let Billionaire's comments go without rebuttal.
Let me preface by saying we're ALL former kids here - not all of us are parents though.
Parenting is a tough job - especially when done well. The main goal is to raise your children with love.
A parent who loves their child will raise them like they're "loaned to us by God", and that we don't "own" them. After all, when we're done doing our job (no matter how good or bad), God takes them home. So even though they're our responsibility, they're never our property.
When a child is small, they don't understand psychology. They understand the simplest things, so establishing the groundwork for future respect is based there. A spoiled toddler becomes an intolerable child and an unruly teenager. Like building a house, the foundation has to be solid - established early. The child must learn to follow rules, and learn that there are consequences to breaking the rules.
Billionaire, words can hit harder than a fist. Spanking is not abusive. Beatings are. If you had your way, there would be very few taxpayers outside of jail to pay for the care of inmates.
I think if a parent beats his/her kid, the kid should get a weapon and beat the parent.
So it's okay for a kid to escalate the abuse? One unnecessary beating should be repaid with a more severe one?
My Father hit me (probably far less often than I deserved), but that doesn't mean he should be in jail. Many times he'd feel bad about spanking me long after I forgot all about it. I can count on one hand the number of times I was spanked by my Father, and I can say the same about my children. I recall hitting my daughter once, and my son a handful of times (usually when he was testing the limits, making disrespectful comments to his mother). At no time was I beaten, and at no time have I beaten my kids.
Spanking is done to address a violation of rules. Beatings are a physical attack without basis or cause. There IS a difference.
I've spanked my kids (I have two - both grown now) when they were small. It was one crack on the @$$ and sent them to their rooms. I've never
beaten my kids. I'm not an abuser or a bully.
Spanking is appropriate when no other punishment will be effective. The preferred punishment is to take something away that means a lot to the child. As adults, that "something" is freedom. As teenagers, it may be driving privlages, or access to a cell phone. As pre-teens, it may be "grounding", taking away TV or computer time, or being given extra chores. As younger children - without those privelages - it's spanking.
People who beat their children are abusers. They hit their kids repeatedly, without regard to administering a lesson. Abusers also beat their kids - psychologically - with their words, demeaning them, taking a "lecture" to abuse by changing the intent from correction to personal insults.
No one is doing their kids any favors by failing to administer corporal punishment when it's appropriate. Kids who grow up violating the rules and learning there's no "uncomfortable consequences" for doing so become intolerable and arrogant - like the kids in the video this thread began with.
I think if a parent beats his/her kid, the kid should get a weapon and beat the parent.
My Father owed me nothing, but gave me his best effort, his love, consistant and fair discipline, and everything I ate, wore, saw, did and had.
I owed him everything and gave him my unending respect and love in return - despite the spankings (that I'm sure I deserved).
I couldn't imagine raising my fist - let alone a weapon - to him.
Billionaire - You need to find a balance in your approach to this topic. Your views seem to be a justification of your anger and frustration from what happened to you. There IS a middle-ground here. You need to find it.
[b]Books written by (supposedly) perfect people on raising perfect chil