Jeremiah 29:11

Well, my first topic is about a man leading his family. What people find out about me is I try to base everything from a biblical perspective. I certainly will not make
people believe anything they do not want to believe. I am not a professional counselor nor do I want to be. I am not the smartest person in the world, but I remember
a saying from Einstein: The more I know, the more I realize what I don't know". That certainly humbles me.

I will help if I can.

All I do is share the truth and let God deal with the rest.

I have even shared these truths about a man leading his family with atheists and they were very appreciative because it helped them deal with their spouses and children.

If you want to participate that is fine, if you just want listen in, that is fine too. I am here to help and not hurt.

Having a different section for this would be fine with me and I hope to have a posting on weekends and we can discuss it during the week.

For some of you, sharing on this on the forum maybe be easier because nobody know who you are and sometimes that is easier.

Give me your thoughts and I hope to start this weekend.

RLSH700

It seems as though many people on this forum are open with discussing their personal beliefs in Christianity as I have seen more than just Jeremiah listing bible verses. I think a religious section would be appropriate as long as you list underneath it a warning of a enter at your own risk if you know what I mean. The fact is there will be disputes and I don't want to have to deal with people throwing a fit over disagreements and so forth.

The only thing I request is please don't add a political section, that would just be asking for trouble. It might be appropriate at DF but since we really don't talk about politics here, I'd like to keep it that way so then we don't have constant bickering and we don't attract people who are extremists and are only here to argue about politics and nothing else.

RLSH700

My background:

I'm a strong Roman Catholic; however, I do listen to other christians' point of view (doesn't mean I agree, but I listen none the less). I enjoy a good bible study group when there is one and I enjoy discussing and analyzing the message in the scripture. I enjoy discussing my perspectives with one of my close friends from high school who is in the process of becoming a pastor. Even though we disagree on some issues, we enjoy hearing each other's perspective.

I have had a strong faith in God since I was young. I can only remember three occasions when I have missed church in my life (due to either weather, not being able to find a church due to a vacation, or being extremely sick). I attended a Lutheran High School for all four years and learned a lot from it despite the fact that I'm not Lutheran. The church I attended in my hometown, I don't miss one bit. It was nice until certain people incharge were removed from power and selfish people got too much power. After about 3-4 years of that, I was happy to be gone. I was very active attending PSR classes, attending and helping with Vacation Bible School, being an altar server, a Eucharistic minister, and was involved with our youth group. Despite all of this, the old families who founded that stupid town still didn't respect me because I was an "outsider" despite the fact that I was raised in that town. They weren't Christians at heart, just using my church for a social club.

When I moved up here, I checked out 4 different churches in the surrounding area. I didn't want to go to the campus based one but my parents talked me into it. I tried their service for one Sunday and that was bad enough to scare me away for a lifetime (I prefer a more traditional service) than what they offered. At first I tried their Bible Study, but I had enough with it when the director couldn't keep her mouth shut about politics, bad mouthing other Christians, and teaching things that are considered sinful. I finally left after I got tired of her constantly oral abuse and her attitude.

The normal church in this town is okay, but not traditional enough for my taste. I tried the church in a town where my Grandparents live and found it to my liking, except the only problem is the distance and there was almost no one my age who attended.

I tried the one that my aunt and uncle attend and I love it. It's still a drive but I fell like I fit in, so it is worth it. They are extremely friendly and appreciate those who participate. It isn't fancy but as far as I'm concerned, a fancy building can be a distraction from the real purpose of attending church, worshipping God and getting to know Him better.

I believe that miracles from God will happen. My theory on life is "there's a time and a purpose for everything both the good and the bad." This is one thing that helps me cope with my struggles.

I don't fill the traditional "male role" either just yet. I'm not married yet and I haven't found the right girl for me just yet. I keep looking and every time I think I found the right one, something goes wrong (normally some other guy who is better looking or whatever takes the girl I like). I don't have any children yet because of this (and if I did I would be interested in finding out how on earth I had children). I'd like to eventually be a father, but the first step is finding the right girl to make a good mother and a wife.

lear4406

That might be a good idea, nothing stirs passion like politics and religion. I think because they are intertwined.

joeyr

They really are, especially with Jewish and Christian faith. When ever you hear the word Pharisees or Sudacucee, Think of a religious political party. Often in the bible when you hear about Jesus arguing with a political party member (usually Pharisees, a party many historians believe Jesus may have been a member of) it was usually a debate that covered spiritual and secular topics. This seems to be more prevalent so in Jewish culture than Christian, where the Torah (or law) provides more literal guidelines to live by.

deranged

Well politics in church is exactly why I stopped attending shortly after the last presidential election. We were basically instructed that our vote should be for the "moral" candidate and you guys as well as I know this was the emphasis of the "religious" right nationwide. I attended church to worship my LORD, not to have my rights as an American dissolved by narrow minded people who can no longer distinguish between what is right and wrong and think for themselves. But I digress.

The topic is the point man. Jeremiah 29:11 I had never heard it put this way about the father of a family being the point man but it fits. I will also say that I admire your conviction and may the good LORD keep you and yours.

I was raised with no real religious background to speak of. I am the product of a broken marriage as is my wife of almost 29 years. She had a more religious upbringing and attended school at her church through gradeschool.

When we began dating it was very unpopular with her churches elders, me being an outsider and all and very nasty rumors were started about our relationship. Not Christianlike at all so she left the church she had been raised in. Religion is great it's just some who claim to be religious who are the problem.

We were married, me at 18 and her at 16 years of age out of state because our parents knew we were just "stupid kids" and forbid our marriage. Them being the experts on lasting marriages and all! Before we decided we were going through with it we had a discussion about our parents marriage history and how hard it was on us being from broken homes. We agreed that once married that was it, that no matter what our children would not suffer as we had and that this was for keeps through good and bad.

I am sorry for you guys but I got the best woman out there and we are madly in love even after 29 years. And we proudly thumb our noses at those who said we had to get married (first son was born 2 years after marriage) and to those "experts" who said it would never last. THIS is ours and you don't have it! I'm not trying to make anyone mad here but I'm very proud of what we've accomplished.

We have 2 sons, one owns his own home about 6 blocks from us and our youngest is still at home in his sophmore year of highschool. Our oldest son is an accomplished musician and has always been encouraged to pursue his dream of making a living at doing the thing he loves-music. Our youngest son just took his pre-ACT's and was graded in the 98th percentile nationally. He is also an outstanding athlete.

While I don't claim to be the worlds best husband and father, I have NEVER cheated on or hit my wife and show her the respect she deserves. I have always took the time to get involved in my kids interests be it coaching, praising or just listening. I also tried to instill in my sons that your word is your bond and that once you've said it you can't take it back. Also that there is pride to be taken in good hard work and that it is beneath no one to get your hands dirty. They also know that when you can't find the answer-PRAY.

I am saddened about the amount of children reared today by single parents because I know firsthand the heartbreak they face and the lessened prospects for a successful future for them. It is too easy to make kids and then abandon them with few or no consequences to be paid by a deadbeat parent. My own father skipped state at one point to avoid child support and ended up paying only a fraction of what he owed my mother. There needs to be far more accountability for these people and no way for them to turn their backs on their responsibilities.

I agree it is a fathers job to lead his family but the mother should be considered as important because she usually has more contact and the deepest relationship with the children. It's just a mans nature to be more distant for lack of a better word where his kids are concerned. This doesn't mean disinterested though. I e

Jeremiah 29:11

deranged.....thanks for your support and kind words and I look forward to your postings.

Jeremiah 29:11

True character is revealed not by what a man does when people are watching but by what he does when nobody is around.

This study we are about to embark on is based on the Point Man study by Steve Farrar that has been one of the speakers on many Promise Keepers conventions around the country over the last couple of decades.

Point Man – Week #1

This study is about how to become an effective leader in your home. In America, we are all worried about different species going away and being extinct but we need to be worried about more important things as the leadership of a man in a home. In America,
That has been also a smearing and disillusionment of the masculine male role by magazines, media, movies, and society in general that we guys do not know how to act or what is expected of us. We will talk about that too.

There is a man by the name of Dr. James Dobson that has a ministry called Focus on the Family (http://www.family.org/ ) and he had a major impact on my life as I saw several of his videos including the “The Strong Willed Child”. This video really helped with our oldest son as he fit that description exactly and helped us know how to deal with him.

In 1980, Dr. James Dobson put it this way: “The Western World stands at a great crossroads in it history. It is my opinion that our very survival as a people will depend upon the presence or absence of masculine leadership in millions of homes….I believe, with everything with me, that husbands hold the keys to the preservation of the family.”

Why Point Man? Because you are the leader that the Patrol Leader has chosen to lead your seven men in the rain forest of Vietnam. You are carefully looking around and being careful of every step you take because the lives of your men are your responsibility.
You know the enemy is near, just a few yards away. You are continuously looking for booby trapped wires on the ground while scanning the trees for snipers.

Suddenly you are ambushed and the gunfire is deafening and bullets are flying all around you. As you hit the deck, you try to make it to your radio man to report your position on the enemy. Your adrenaline is pumping and you get tunnel vision. As soon as you are finished on the radio and turn around you take a bullet to the leg and it has exploded your bone. Thousand of thoughts flood your mind like am I going to die here in this horrible place? Where are those shots coming from? What orders do I give my men, so we can survive this?

Now change things a little. You are still in the same rain forest in Vietnam, but now you are leading your family. You are looking ahead for the enemy and booby traps but you also look behind you to see your wife, daughter, son, and making sure they don’t step on any booby traps. Your adrenaline is in overdrive and you would die for your family. The survival of your family is up to you.
Leading a family through the chaos of American culture is like leading a small patrol through enemy-occupied territory.

Some statistics:

1. One out of two marriages end in divorce
2. The median age for divorce is thirty-four for men and thirty for women
3. In 1960, one out of every ten households was maintained by a woman with no husband present; in 1986, one out of every six households was maintained by a woman with no husband present.
4. Tonight, enough teenagers to fill the Rose Bowl, Cotton Bowl, Sugar Bowl, Orange Bowl, Fiesta Bowl and the average Super Bowl will practice prostitution to support drug addition.
5. One million teenage girls will get pregnant out of wedlock this year.
6. Five hundred thousand of those girls will abort their babies.
7. Of all the fourteen-year-old girls alive today, 40 percent will become pregnant by their 19th birthday.
8. Sixty percent of all church-involved teenagers are sexually active.
9. Sixty-six percent of American high school senior

RLSH700

Long but worth reading. Thanks for sharing that Jeremiah. My parents did everything you listed and I was in the percentage of people who didn't have the listed problems. Beyond communion, I never had alcoholic beverages before I was 21 and neither did my older brother. Neither of us smoke or do any illegal drugs. Even though this is my fourth year in college, I still am yet to get drunk or even close because I simply don't see the point in drinking. My mother's side of the family is a different story. 50% or more are alcoholics and some have illegal drug addictions.

All of my dad's siblings are on their original marriage; however, on my mother's side, she is the only one who is still on her original marriage. The difference is this. My grandparents on my dad's side were very demanding but they put their kids first. They now enjoy visiting all of their 19 grandkids when they have the chance to get away. They had little money but they got by. I'm close to my grandparents and I visit them when I get the chance.

My grandparents on my mom's side were different. My grandmother did her part to take care of the kids, but my grandfather preferred to spend his time after work on his projects. He picked favorites as well. His favorite was my eldest aunt and he made that very obvious. It took nothing for her to statisfy my grandfather; meanwhile, my mother and her other sister had to fight for his attention. When my middle aunt (his least favorite) had some medical problems, he told her "your almost not worth how much this is costing me." In perspective, he had 3 times the income my other grandparents had with half the children to support.

My eldest aunt would bully my mother and her other sister (she burnt my other aunt with a car's cigarette lighter, once tied her to a wagon and put her out on a bussy street, beat up my mother, etc. and she was the one who told me about this) and everytime, he would believe his eldest. Guess which one has the most problems today? The eldest. For a while, she was unsure who her eldest daughter's father was, she is part of a cult, she divorced her husband just to return to the abusive alcoholic six years later, now seven years later she admits that remarrying him was a mistake.

My grandfather was the same as a grandfather as he was a father. The only one of my cousins he ever wanted to spend anytime with was my eldest cousin (who also has issues like her mother). He spent the least quality time with me out of all my cousins. His last words to me were "you put too much faith in God and that will get you killed someday." I don't miss him. He was more concerned about going gambling than he was interested in spending time with my brother and myself.

The problem with my grandfather was he wasn't there and when he was, he wasn't acting as the role of the father. A father should not pick favorites. My father doesn't have favorites, he treats both of us about the same. My father has his faults (he lets his temper get out of control & he blames us for his problems), but he was there for both of us when we needed him. He provided what we needed, not what we always wanted. He taught us not to be greedy and to value what was important in life. He brought us to church, provided us with an education, and gave us what time he had to spare for quality time. My mother stayed at home to make sure both of us had the attention we needed.

deranged

RLSH700 I have accepted the fact that my father and his side of the family were pretty much disfunctional where my brother and I were concerned. Our paternal grandparents made 1 trip to see us that I can recall when we were children. We lived about an hour and a half away from them. The only time we got to see them was when our father would take us there and I knew then that we were never in their favor even as small children. Our mother was a foster child and both of her birth parents died when she was very young so there were really no maternal grandparents. As I stated earlier my parents divorced when my brother and I were ages 4 and 5 respectively. Our father had visitation rights but as time went by and he neglected paying child support visits became more and more rare until finally he skipped state to avoid payment altogether. He was gone for probably 10 years before an arrangment was made to forgive some of the arrears and mom accepted a much smaller amount than he owed to settle matters. (His parents paid the debt.) By this time we were old enough to understand that our father had neglected his responsibility to us and it did not sit well with us. Well willing to let bygones be bygones I decided after our first son to make my father a part of at least my life again and that he should know his grandson. For several years after we remained in contact, he visiting my family and I his. He had always drank and this was the cause of my parents split among a couple of other things which were driven from his drinking. Well the drinking kept getting between him and his responsibilities (jobs) and he bounced from one to another. Finally he ended up wrecking his truck and not having a means to get to work I put together a pretty nice car for him to help out, no strings. Son buying the dad a car, Kinda messed up huh? Well soon the car needed tires and he just didn't have the money........ so you guessed it, I bought a set of tires for him with the understanding he would pay me back. Well you can guess how that worked out and soon I no longer seemed to be a part of his life again. That was about 15 years ago. I've seen him 2 times in that 15 years. Once just out of curiosity I was out on a roadtrip on the motorcycle and just stopped to see if he was still kicking. He was and he was mounting a tire on a wheel by hand for a truck sitting in his driveway with a crowbar and assorted other levering devices. "Fitting" I thought as I rode away. The second time was at his fathers funeral maybe 5 years ago out of respect for his dad who was a hard working man all his life.

My father has never met nor made the effort to meet his 2nd grandson who is now 16 and I have no intention of making him a part of his life because I have come to realize that he doesn't deserve it. He FAILED to be a father so he hasn't the right to be a grandfather. Sounds cold I know but I will never have any regrets since this was all really his choice by not accepting what most men would relish, 2 loving sons who thought their dad was the greatest right up until he abandoned them. He will never be a part of my life again this time by my choice, again because he doesn't deserve it.

A few years ago my mother broke down in front of me crying. I asked what was the matter and she said she was just so sorry she wasn't able to keep a father for my brother and I growing up. She was sad that we had missed that part of a childs life, the love of a father. I told her that we had never had a father so we really didn't know the difference of not having one-she was both and she had done a good job at being both.

My point is kinda like they say, "You can pick your nose but you can't pick your relatives." Family is not a bloodline, it is the ones you love and who reciprocate that love. My family started with it's founder, my mother. I carry on from there a love to mine learned from my mother. The rest is a distant and not fond memory of a past with no connection to m